Live each day to the fullest. I have heard that phrase at least 1389 times in my lifetime. This is a phrase we call a cliché. As we grow up, we learn that clichés are bad things; that we need to make our own thoughts and beliefs and not use the ones we hear every day to get a topic across. Coming up with our own new phrases and beliefs is a great idea, but sometimes we forget that those phrases are overused for a reason; they are true. We hear these phrases over and over again and eventually they just become words with no meaning to us. Until about 15 years and 3 months after I was born, “Live each day to the fullest,” have simply become six bland words to me.
This past August was very hard on my mom and dad. During the second week of the month, both my parents lost about 10 pounds in only a week. Let me back up a little bit. In the month of July 2009, we learned that my dad had a tumor on the left side of his brain. This was incredibly scary for all the people who love him, but we knew it would be okay because the doctors were sure it wasn't malignant (cancerous). As calm as the doctors were about this non harmful tumor, no one felt comfortable knowing that there was a tumor just sitting in his brain. So in August, my parents flew out to one of the best hospitals in the world called the Mayo Clinic. My dad was going to have brain surgery, hoping that the doctors could get as much of the tumor out as possible. My dad was risking a 20 to 30% chance that he could lose his speech, the function in his right arm, or have slower moter skills etc. When he had an MRI the day before he was going to have surgery, the doctors discovered that something had changed. The tumor had grown, which meant surgery was no longer an option because there was a much higher chance of him losing all of those aspects of his life listed above. This was terribly troubling for my parents, but there were still some more options. So the next day my dad went into surgery, but not to get it removed, just to get a sample of the tumor to try and figure out what it really was (this whole time doctors had just been making pretty accurate guesses that it was a non cancerous brain tumor based off of only pictures of his brain). My dad had the biopsy and long story short, we were struck with horrifying, overwhelming information; the tumor was indeed malignant (cancerous). He had a stage 4 brain tumor. There are 4 stages of tumors.
While my parents sat in the hospital, talking to the doctors, and witnessing all of this traumatizing information, I and my 3 siblings sat at home hearing the updates from my grandma. It was terribly scary to hear, but it hadn't yet hit me. None of it had. I wasn't there in the sterilized smelling hospital hearing this all from the top notch doctors; but my parents were, and they were a mess. I received a text from my mom at 10:32 A.M. on Friday, August 7. I still have it saved on my phone, and this is what it says, "This has been a tough morning and dad and I had a good cry but then we both said at the same time that we are going to fight fight fight dad wants to see all if you graduate and walk you down the aisle so he is ready to do what it takes to stay healthy and beat this thing we love you so much" I teared up, I cried, but still, it didn't hit me. I know it didn't. When my parents came home a few days later, we all sat in the living room and talked. My mom and dad told us the whole story and what was going to happen. It had definitely hit them. I remember one thing my mom said, "but if we have learned anything from this, it is to live each day to the fullest. We are so thankful for each day and we are really going to slow things down. You kids won't be going out with your friends every minute of the day. We are just going to take it slow and relax." I'm not going to lie; I remember thinking well great, now I'm going to have to just sit at home and be bored because my parents have this whole new philosophy on life and they are all thankful for each day. I also remember thinking at the same time, why cant I feel like that? I remember thinking that I wished it had hit me and I had the same outlook on life as they did but I didn't and I wasn't going to pretend I did. I really didn't feel differently towards life and it really bothered me. I couldn't help but notice how cliche my mom sounded when she was talking about living life to the fullest.
About a month later, my dad was in Minnesota receiving treatment and the 4 of us kids and my mom went to visit him. The whole week I felt disconnected from him. He was tired a lot and down. That is completely understandable, but it was hard to be so close to him physically, and yet so far from him. We were only there for a week and I knew that after I left, I wouldn't get to see him for almost a month.
I vividly remember when it hit me. The night before we left, I was downstairs laying on my dad's bed, talking to my mom. My dad came and sat on the bed and my mom got up and left. Somehow it worked out that in all the chaos of my family, I got to sit with my dad all alone completely secluded from anything else going on. We sat side by side and talked. I remember one thing he said, "This might sound weird coming from a cancer patient, but I feel so incredibly lucky." I asked why and he replied, "I have such a new outlook on life. I have never seen life like I do now, and I am so thankful." It hit me. We laied on his bed and cried for quite some time. It was a moment I will never be able to forget; a moment I never want to forget.
My dad could die tomorrow, or he could die in 15 years. It is so scary to think about. The word cancer is such a scary word. But that doesn't matter anymore. We can't look into the future. I just can't afford do that anymore. If I want to live my life apart from fear, I need to live each day to the fullest. The moment is the only thing we can guarantee.
Once you live a cliche, and relate to a cliche, it means so much. Just like my dad, I also have an incredible outlook on life. It has been an awful and devastating road, but once it's over, we will all be renewed, and we will all be so much stronger. I encourage you to not ignore the cliches we hear every day. Those cliches effect people around the world as often as babies are born; every single minute of the day, words are hitting people in incredible, life changing ways. I never expected to be affected by such cliche words, neither did the Thill family, and neither will you.
-Dodie and Dad Stay Srong, I love you!
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